Thursday, March 16, 2017

Reflecting on those lost

Tonight I had some time to sit and reflect on those that I have lost that I hold and held dear to me in both life and death.  Since 2008 I have lost 3 very important people in my life.

My mother who was my rock, best friend and someone who always believed in me no matter what, died in April 2008.  Less than 6 months later, my daughter Heather who was 19 died in October of 2008 from a motorcycle accident and left behind 2 very beautiful children KayLee and Aadyn.  Finally my loving brother Scott died this January 2017 in my home and left behind an amazing 14 year old son.


To say that my world has drastically changed since these 3 amazing people decided to join one another in the afterlife is an understatement.  I never thought in a million years that I would be sitting here writing about the 3 of them leaving me and our family.  We were a close bunch to say the least but GOD had other plans for all of us.  I truly believe that we all have a purpose in life and when that purpose is filled then he will call us all home.

I cared for my mother and held her hand till the very end.  I wanted to make sure that she didn't leave this earth alone and she didn't.  She always told us kids that if she was never able to take care of herself to put her in a room with a gun and walk out.  She would handle the rest.  I refused.  I wanted to hold onto her as long as possible.  We were told on 12/28/07 that she didn't have long to live and that was not something that I accepted.  It took me months to realize that she wasn't long for this world.  I cried, pleaded, begged, screamed and everything else that I could think of with GOD to please let her stay.  Sadly, she did not.  Her death was hard on all of us but especially these two in the picture with her.

Then tragically less than 6 months my daughter died.  It was one of the most horrific nights of my life.  She was so full of life but she had been struggling since my mom aka Nana passed.  Heather was the first of 10 grandchildren and was the pick of the litter so to speak.  It took me years to come to terms with her death.  Truth be told I still keep thinking she is going to walk through the door and say surprise.  So in all honesty, I guess you could say I am still not at terms with her passing.  I haven't been able to see her children because of GOD only knows.  But I know in time I will be able to and I will get to tell them all the wonderful things about their mother that their father or grandfather couldn't tell them.  Things that only I know.

Now 9 years later I lose my brother Scott.  Oh, where to start with him????  There are so many things that have been and are being said about how he died.  I personally do not know the cause.  It could have and most likely was drugs but again, I haven't seen the official toxicology report yet so I can't say.  What I can say is that we tried and by we I mean my son Brandon and his wife Shannon to save him.  We found him in the shower unresponsive at 5:30 in the morning and they performed CPR on him until the ambulance got here.  I am so thankful that his son didn't wake up and see this all happening.


I thought I would share with you a couple of my favorite pictures of these very special people who has left our family.  My mom didn't like to have her picture taken so these are extremely special to me.  The first one is of my mom and Heather at her high school graduation.  The second is of me and Heather at the meet and greet of the Indianapolis Colts.  She was so looking forward to meeting Payton Manning but he wasn't there.  The bottom left is of me and my mom at my cousin Christina's wedding and finally my brother Scott and I.  He came and took me out of school early that day to take me shopping and this is the outfit that he bought me.  This picture was taken 28 years ago but it is still one of my favorites.  I felt like I was important that day because that outfit cost over $150 which I would never have been able to have if it wasn't for him buying it.  I kept telling him, no not to spend that kind of money on me but he insisted that he wanted to buy his "baby sister" something nice.

These are just some of my many memories about my mom, daughter, and brother.  There are way too many to share in one post that is for sure.  No matter what our faults, our demons or what life threw at us, WE LOVED each other and we were/are family.  Nothing anyone says or does can change that now or ever.  We were not perfect by any means but we were always there for one another, we loved each other and together in memories we will always be together.

We are not promised anything in life but this exact moment.  Love your family and tell your family that you love them.  It may be the last thing they hear from you.  I Love You were the last words that they heard from me and I can go on knowing that they knew they were loved in their last moments.

Thank you for stopping by my blog today and taking time out to visit me.  Please leave me a comment and let me know you were here.  I love meeting new people and seeing what is going on in the world that I may not have known about before.

Until next time,

 photo edited new blog signature_1.png