Monday, October 12, 2015

A Letter to Heaven

My Dearest Heather,

Oh how I miss you more than words could ever express.  You were taken from us 7 years ago and it hasn't been the same since.  Even though it has been 7 years now it seems like you are still not really gone.  There ins't a day that doesn't go by that we are talking about you in some fashion or another and I have even caught myself wanting to pick up the phone to call you.  You were loved beyond anything you could have imagined and I only wish you were still here to know that.

It has been a long time since I had been to the cemetery to visit you because of issues with you know who throwing away everything and anything that I brought for you.  I stopped by the day before the anniversary of your passing to say hi and see how the grave was looking.  I was surprised that I didn't see all sorts of decorations or flowers there.  I guess that person has finally stopped coming around as well.  It is still so hard to this day knowing that I will never get to hear your voice again, the way you said "Moooommmmm" or the way you laugh.  It still tears me up to this day and I don't know if this pain will ever go away.

I still haven't gotten to see your kids and I know that you are watching down on there.  I just pray and hope that they don't think we have abandoned them.  It was not by our choosing to not be able to see them or talk to them.  They are still a very big part of my daily struggles with wondering how they are and if they are being treated right.  I am only guessing that you know who is loving the fact that I can't see or talk to them.  It wouldn't surprise me if this wasn't paybacks for him not being in your life.  We both know how he could be and I only hope that one day he realizes what he has done.  I pray that he never has to experience what I have had to experience these last 7 years without your children, my grandchildren.

I know that you are in Heaven with your Nana and you both are probably having a great time.  After all Heaven is a Happy place, peaceful, joyful, loving and everything that we all try to get a piece of in our daily lives.

So many things have changed since you have left us.  I got divorced from that jerk you didn't like and remarried.  We have been together now for 4 years today.  Your sister has a son who is just absolutely adorable.  You and your Nana would have loved him.  He has made me look at things alot differently since he was born.  Both your sister and brother are Assistant Managers at Great Cookie Company at the malls.  Both have vehicles and your sister isn't constantly battling me like she was before.  We have actually become closer like you and I were.

Even though it is October and technically fall here I have seen several butterflies this past week that have reminded me of you.  You always loved butterflies and it is extremely strange to see them flying around in the fall.  I take it as a sign that you are always with me even during this difficult week.  They literally will land within a few inches of me or on top of my car.  I know you are in a better place but I am still angry that you are gone.  I don't understand how someone with so much life, love, family and dreams could be taken from their children when there are far more worse people out there.  I am not wishing them dead by any means or saying they don't matter to anyone as much as you matter to me but it isn't fair.

I am going to close for now and recompose myself so I can do my work but I wanted to tell you that I Love You and I Miss You every single second of every single minute of every single hour of every single day.  God took the brightest star when he took you and I will never understand it and I don't know if I will ever get over it.

See you in Heaven one day.
Love Always and Forever,

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