Thursday, August 21, 2014

Let's Talk Feelings.........


First let me start by saying that I hope you are having a great week.  Now that the weekend is almost here I hope you have some time scheduled for yourself.

Today I want to talk about feelings....yes Feelings and rambling thoughts.  Men will say that women have a large range of feelings and emotions and they can never keep up with us on any of them.  Well to be honest they are usually the reason we have these feelings and emotions.  But for whatever the reason we always feel like we have to keep it together for everyone else.

I honestly am tired of holding it all together for everyone else.  I am tired of being tired, I am tired of being exhausted, I am tired of having to go to work, I am tired of having to run errands, I am tired of paying the you see a pattern here?  I am TIRED!!!!!!  So the question begs, why am I so tired?  Do I get enough, do I take vitamins....when I remember them, do I eat healthy....sometimes, isn't my bed comfortable.....not to me.  There are many reasons we can be tired, several are mentioned above but there are other things that are going on that  people don't realize is making them tired.  For example the photo above at the top of this post.  Constantly repeating yourself over and over and no one listening to you...yes honey I know that I am preaching to the choir.  

That ever growing TO DO LIST!!!!!!!  I have so much going on in my mind right now that if I actually stopped to write it all down I might just break out in tears.  I hate my house...rental, I hate how it is decorated...another story, I hate doing yard son should do it but rarely does, I hate the way I feel when I walk in my I want to cry or run.  I just feel so overwhelmed and exhausted all the time.  

I know what I want to do but never have the energy to do it.  It isn't because I am a lazy person..or maybe sometimes, it is the resistance or backlash that I might get from doing what I want.  I want to decorate my house with color but hubby will have snide comments to make, I want to blare my music but again hubby will have a cow...even though he says he won't.  I don't want to be criticized for doing stuff but that is like saying the moon is falling...not going to happen.  Why does it seem that no one can do anything or make a decision until I am home from work and on the phone.  I am not a maid, I am not your keeper, I am me, mom, Nini, wife, sister, and Avon Lady.  Ughhhhh I just want to scream, cry, break stuff and throw a fit.  I swear growing up was the dumbest thing I have ever done.  I want to turn in my adult card for my child's card again.

My husbands style is a minimalist....EXTREME minimalist as to where I on the other hand have to have post-it notes everywhere, photos all over the wall, ceiling light on instead of a damn lamp, color curtains besides green or dark blue, I need happy and cluttered table tops that I drop everything at when I walk in the door.  I need an area to line my shoes when I come in so I don't track stuff on the carpets.  

I am according to everyone else a disorganized person.  However, I know where everything is on my desk and at home.  I have chaos on my desk and I am trying to find away to become more efficient with home, life and my Avon business.  I have tons of printouts on how to create printable's, how to organize, how to use Twitter, Instagram, create Buttons and so on and so forth but still don't understand it and I feel like a complete idiot at times.  I have so much going through my mind that I can't seem to concentrate on one area long enough to get anything done.  My husband says that I only have a 15 minute window before I get bored with stuff and move to the next.   Even working on this blog is distracting and frustrating me right now because I can't get the font or color exactly how I want it.  I just want to be left alone and regroup, recharge, do what I want to do when I want to do it even if it is just sleeping.  I need to go get my massage that my husband bought me for my birthday over 3 weeks ago that I haven't used.

Point is that we have all these feelings that we go through everyday but at the end of the day we are only human.  I love my husband, my kids, my grandkids and wouldn't trade them for the world but at times, I just feel frustrated, aggravated, exhausted, like I want to throw my hands up and say I'm done, cry, scream, or throw stuff.  So when you are feeling this way don't think you are alone.  We all have been there and done that and if you haven't been then you will be one day.