Sunday, September 22, 2013

A Life Lost To Soon!!!!!!

A Life Lost To Soon
I remember the day that I told my mother that I was pregnant.  I was terrified but didn't have much of a choice.  You see I was recovering from having my wisdom teeth pulled and Heather’s father decided to show up at our apartment while my mom was gone and beat the crap out of me.  It wasn't the first time he had done this but I was hoping he would leave me alone after the first time.  It took me a long time to get away from him or so I thought I was away from him.  He threw me around like a rag doll and if it wasn't for my neighbors son hearing me scream for help I probably would have been killed that night. 

The cops came and I will never forget that Officer Payne looked at me and said: "are you going to tell her or am I?"  What? Tell Her? Are you kidding me, she is going to kill me when she finds out?  This is what I was thinking but I had no choice, I told him I would tell her only if he stood beside me so she wouldn't kill me.  He laughed and said that she wasn't going to kill me just be a little disappointed in me but relieved at the same time because I was alright.  That was the last night that I saw the father of my child at least until her first birthday and then only a few more times until my daughter turned 16.

Heather came in this world on February 16, 1989 at 12:36 p.m. she weighed 7lb 6 oz. and she was the most beautiful precious thing I have ever seen in my entire life.  Now mind you she wasn't the first baby I have ever seen but (yes I am bias) she was the most perfect baby I had ever laid eyes on.  This is a picture of me and Heather when she was 8 months old.  She was so cute and chubby but was always happy and full of joy.

My daughter Heather was the 1st grandchild out of 3 the year she was born.  She was a bundle of joy even though I was terrified having a child at 16.  I just knew that I would be able to manage it because I had been babysitting for years at that point.  My mom wasn't too pleased that I was pregnant but she stood by my side and told me that no matter what we would get through this together and that is just what we did.

I went on to finish High School with the love and support of my mom.  She agreed to babysit Heather free of charge while I was in school and for a $1.00 for every hour that I worked.  This was not a compromise for my mom wouldn't hear of her grandchild going into day care    My mom and my daughter were extremely close and were till the very end.     

Heather went on to become a cheerleader in elementary school, the most popular in middle school and the President of the FBLA (Future Business Leaders of America) in High School.  I looked for pictures of these events but for some reason they are not saved to my computer.  I guess that is getting ready to become a big project.  I want to be able to digitalize all of my photos for the future generations to come which is somewhere around 5 thousand or so photos.  Yes I am or was camera happy.

She was the oldest child out of 5 between her father and I but she didn't have the pleasure of knowing her father until she was much older. 


Her one true love was always for her Children and nothing could ever change that. After having Kaylee on 5/18/2005 she went on to finish High School and have her second child Aadyn on 6/22/2007.
I still remember the day that she brought Aadyn home to meet his sister.  It was love at first site for KayLee and she was a handful with him.  Always wanting to hold him, kiss him and make sure that he had his pacifier. 


Isn't this one of the sweetest pictures you have ever seen?  Yes I am bias again but who wouldn't think this is precious and sweet.

Heather continued on to go to school after graduation and she got a full scholarship to college.  She was going to school and looking for fulltime work so that she could support her family.  Not that I wouldn't have worked 3 jobs to make sure she could support them but that is who she was.  She wanted to be the provider for her family.  She had been looking for work when she finally got a call saying the temporary service had found her a job.  She was so happy.  I remember her first day of work she called me and told me that it was boring and she didn't think she could do it.  I reminded her that it is only temporary until something better comes along.  That was on October 6, 2008.  I told her I Loved her and that it would get better to just give it some time and before she knew it she would have a better job that she liked. 

Then the unthinkable happened.  I was at a friend’s house that I was staying with because I was letting both of my daughters live there with the kids since it was a 2 bedroom apartment it was a bit crowded.  I had just finished sending my Aunt Eileen an email telling her that we were all doing fine and all the things that was going on since my mom passed on April 19, 2008.  I got a call from Victoria my 2nd daughter and she was yelling:  Mom Heather and I stopped her and told her that they were both grown adults and needed to figure a way to work it out.  She said mom NO, Heather was in a motorcycle wreck.  My heart dropped.  I asked where and when she told me I grabbed my purse and took off out the door.  All I could do was pray to God that he wouldn't  take her from us and her children.  When I pulled up on the wreck after figuring out how to get less than 5 miles away from where I was I couldn't believe my eyes.  I almost re-ended a fire truck coming to a stop.  I took off yelling as the guy was telling me I couldn't go up to the scene.  I told him to try and stop me because that was my daughter. 

They had already taken her away in an ambulance and they detained me until someone could come get me from the scene to take me to the hospital.  All I kept saying was that “I need to get her shoes” and they kept telling me no that I couldn't have them.  They weren't listening to me.  I knew that she would want her shoes but reality had not set in on what it was they were telling me.  A total stranger seen the whole accident happen and found my daughters phone and got in touch with us and that is how we knew.  It was by far the worse night of my life.

This is the headline from our local paper the next day and they got it all wrong.  The car turned in front of the motorcycle and then back into them. 

Fairdale woman identified as motorcycle crash victim
Posted: Oct 07, 2008 1:06 AM EDTUpdated: Oct 15, 2008 11:56 AM EDT

LOUISVILLE, KY (WAVE) - A 19-year old Fairdale woman was killed Monday night when the motorcycle she was riding on struck a car on the Outer Loop at Nash Road.
LMPD spokesperson Alicia Smiley tells WAVE 3 the crash happened shortly before 8:30 p.m. when a motorcycle heading west on Outer Loop collided with a car that was trying to turn onto eastbound Outer Loop. The impact of the crash threw the victim, Heather Jaggers of the 9800 block of Starlet Drive, from the motorcycle.
Jaggers, who was a passenger on the bike, was taken to University Hospital where she died shortly after 11 p.m. The driver of the car and the motorcyclist were not injured.
Police believe the motorcyclist, whose name has not been released, was under the influence of alcohol. They are awaiting toxicology results before filing any charges. Police do not expect to file charges against the driver of the car.

I can still remember that scene like it was yesterday.  However, I don't remember who all was at the hospital with me when she died.  My daughter was only 19 yrs old and a mother of 2 when she died.  Her children will never know who she was because they were too little to remember her.  Her son was only 18 months old and I was able to keep him for about 2 weeks before his father came and took him from me and I haven’t seen him since.  Kaylee I was able to see for a few more months after Heather passed away but it has been almost 5 yrs since I have seen her. 

Heather’s father was by my side the whole time that much I do remember.  I remember because he screwed me royally during the whole process and I didn't even know it until it was all over.  Heather didn't have life insurance which she should have but she didn’t.  I borrowed money from my work to pay for her burial.  Well her father put his name on it as well.  I didn't think anything of it at the time, I mean why should I have.  It was our daughter and we were both mourning.  Little did I know he was plotting against me the whole time.  He is the reason I have not been able to see my grandchildren or be a part of their lives for the lies that he has told and the manipulation of their fathers.  One day Karma will come back and kick him in the ass and I hope that I have a front row seat. 
So now this is all that I have to remember my daughter by along with some of the things that I have of hers and the kids that they will eventually get when they are older. 
Her friends made the pink cross and her father made the white one.  I would go and decorate it and put balloons and things like that up at the cross until I got a text message from him telling me that no one but him is allowed to put anything up at the cross because we made it look trashy and he paid out of pocket for it.  ARE YOU SERIOUS???????  OMG, I wanted to scream at him but like I said it was a text message.  Later we found out that the pink cross got thrown away and only the one cross remained. 

Not too long ago after not hearing from her father in years I get a text message from him saying that: “If you want the cross you can have it.  It needs maintained for it is falling apart”.  So I replied back with “I didn't realize it was yours.  I thought it was for Heather”  he said yes it was for her but remember who put out the money for it.  Again I wanted to scream OMG are you serious but again it was a text message.  I just responded with “I don’t want to argue with you and I will take care of it.”  This is how he is.  I have taken things to the cemetery and he has removed them and told me that I make it look trashy….uh hello…..she is my daughter also and I can put what I want up there in remembrance of her.  Like I said, Karma will come around and when it does I want to have the front row seat. 

Her friends and I always try to do something on the anniversary of her death rather it is meeting at the crash site or meeting at Bob Evans across from the cemetery to swap stories and remember her by.  They often send me pictures of crazy daisies which were her favorite or a message just to tell me they miss her and are thinking of her and us.  Even in death her friends are loyal and concerned with her family.  The anniversary is 2 weeks away to the day and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her and miss her.  I wish I could hold her in my arms and tell her I Love Her.    I wish that she could get to see her kids grow up and because smart, beautiful and caring people. 

So until we meet again my angel keep watching over us and know that you are loved my many and missed by many.  Sending you hugs and kisses in heaven.  I hope that you and Nana are having a great time.  My mom was cremated and before they closed the casket for the burial my cousin and a friend of mine took my moms ashes and put them under my daughters pillow.  They were inseparable in life and now are inseparable in death.

Friday, September 20, 2013


****this picture is not mine.  I found it at**** 
So my sister-in-law Kisha over at The Glamorous French Housewife does Friday Letters and I thought since I haven’t been blogging in a long while that I should get back into it.  So why not start on Friday?  Can’t hurt right?  Plus it is a great way to get things off of your chest so to speak.  So I could probably write a book and I know that some of my letters will either make people laugh or make them madder than a wet hen but you know it is what it is.

Dear God,
            I don’t understand why you had to take my mom and my daughter but I know that you have greater plans for all of us and only you know what they are.  We are supposed to obey and follow your lead.  Sometimes that is not always easy and I know I have cursed you, bargained with, threatened, yelled and questioned you but when it comes right down to it…I know you won’t give me anything that I can’t handle.
Dear Mom,
       I am sorry that I couldn’t take the Cancer away and make you better.  You were always my best friend and I was honored to call you my mother.  We went through a lot of rough and tough times but through it all I never doubted your love for me.  You taught me more then you could ever imagine.  Ok except fried chicken and your steak and gravy…..yummy.  Oh how I miss your cooking.

Dear Heather,
            I wish you were still here causing havoc, love, laughter and confusion in our lives.  I miss you so much and I know your children miss you as well.  I haven’t gotten to see them since shortly after you got your wings in Heaven so I can’t tell you how they are doing.  I just pray that they are doing well and are loved and respected and respectful and smart like you were. 

Dear Victoria,
            I am so proud of the fact that you have had the guts to just up and leave home.  I was so scared and moved back but you have really hung in there and trudged through all the bullshit that you have put up with.  You are on the right path in life in getting your life together.  Keep your chin up and know that I Love You.

Dear Brandon,
            It is hard to believe that you are now 19 yrs old.  Man it seems like just yesterday you were still my baby.  Ok news flash…you will always be my baby because you are the youngest.  I will always have your back and be there for you even though you won’t friend me on

Dear Christopher,
           I know that there are a lot of issues between us but I want you to know that no matter what I will always love you.  I have thought about you every day for 18 years and wanted to have a relationship with you.  However, that didn’t happen.  I don’t know if it is because you are too much like your father or like me.  Either way, I will always love you because you are a part of me.

Dear Kevin,
         I am sorry that we aren’t on verbal speaking terms but I still Love you and I will wait as long as it takes you to come around because you are my HoneyDear and my big brother.

Dear Scott and Kisha,
            Thank you both for always being there to listen to me bitching and offering solutions or laughter.  I love you guys and miss you all bunches.  Just remember that no matter what thin gs will always get better, you just have to work through them and communicate effectively vs. yelling and screaming at people no matter who they are….the neighbors, co-workers, the jerk in front of you that is going to slow or the asshole that won’t let you merge. 

Dear Christina,
                       I know that you have had a tough time and your home life wasn’t the easiest.  Just know that no matter what I am proud of you.  You have stayed at your job now for awhile, you got your own car paid for in cash and you are working on the rest of your goals.  You have done what you have had to do in order to get your life back on track.  So when people try to down you because they don’t like your car, your schedule or what you are wearing tell them to step off!!!!  They don’t pay your bills, they don’t sign your paycheck and oh yeah….they aren’t doing it for you.  No one can judge you but God so the rest is irrelevant and their opinions and attacks are a reflection of their unhappiness and failures.

Dear Trent,
            I am so happy and fortunate enough to finally have you in my life to me completely.  It is hard to believe that 25 yrs ago when we meet that we would be married today all because of a letter I wrote you 3 yrs ago.  I have to say I am glad that I wrote that letter to you 3 yrs ago because if not then we wouldn’t be married today.  Thank you for putting up with all of my crap, craziness, temper tantrums, outburst, family and all the issues that came with me….lol.  I truly Love you and couldn’t imagine my life without you.

Dear friends and fellow bloggers,
            Thanks for taking time out of your day to visit my page.   I am working on making this a more of a daily thing if not then most certainly a weekly thing.  I am going to be doing more blogging and hopefully get a schedule together on the things I want to blog about.

I hope you all have a great Friday and a Great Weekend and remember that no matter what other’s may think or feel about you there is only 2 things you are in control of…Your Actions and Your Attitude.  Don’t let anyone dictate to you how you should have them.  Live life to the fullest and enjoy all things around you.

Sorry if the fonts and spacing is all jacked up.  I haven't done a blog post this way before and I am at work so it is hard for me to get real detailed with the fonts and spacing.