Saturday, February 16, 2013

Happy Heavenly Birthday to my daughter


Today would have been my daughter's 24th Birthday. She was the mother of 2 very beautiful babies. Miss KayLee Marie Jaggers Logsdon and Mr. Aadyn Christopher Nelson Durbin.
However in this picture they don't look none to happy because they hadn't had their nap yet. This picture was taken about a week before my mom aka Nana passed away. Heather was so full of life and she never met a stranger. No matter where she went she was always the center of attention. She was a great person, a great mother, a great daughter, a great niece and a great friend. Her friends still keep in touch with me till this day even though she has been in Heaven now for 4 years. It just goes to show that she was truly loved and is truly missed.
I just wish that her children would have gotten a chance to grow up with their mom. For them to be able to do all the first things together such as grade school graduation, proms, boyfriends/girlfriends, marriage. These are things that they will never get to experience with their mom because of a horrible decision on her part and the guy that was driving the bike she was on.

Heather decided one night that she wanted to go on a motorcycle ride with a guy she just meet that lived down the street from us. Unfortunately she didn't have a helmet on. A car full of illegals pulled out in front of them and then turned back into them when they were hit by them. Heather went flying off of the back of the bike and landed about 500 ft away. Her shoes were on the opposite side of the street from one another. The guy and the illegals weren't hurt and walked away. I however, had to bury my beautiful daughter.

I remember the call like it was yesterday. Her sister called me all upset yelling Heather and I stopped her and told her that they were both adults and needed to stop fighting. Her sister Victoria said "Mom NO! Heather has been in a bad wreck!" I lost it. I ran out the door with my house shoes on and headed straight to the site. Well the site that Victoria told me was the wrong one but was only about 2 miles down the road and I couldn't remember how to get there. Finally I got to the right accident site and damn near rear ended the fire truck that was on the scene. It was horrible like a scene from a bad movie. I threw my car in park and took off running. The fireman and cop tried to stop me but I told them that it was my daughter and kept running. I have to say I was scared and only wanted to hold my daughter and tell her it would be ok but they had already taken her in ambulance to the hospital.

The lady that found her found and called Vicky was sitting there in a white suv and she talked to me and tried to keep me calm. All I could keep saying was please tell me she is going to be alright and that I needed to get her shoes so she will have them when she gets out of the hospital. Everyone kept telling me that I couldn't have her shoes and when I asked the cop if I could have them he said no but I persisted. That is when he told me "ma'am you don't understand, she isn't going to need her shoes anymore". It still didn't register with me what they were trying to tell me. She had flat lined at the scene and they brought her back so being in shock I thought she was going to be ok. Then one of the illegals tried to get back in the car and I went after them but of course the cops stopped me and made me sit inside the suv with the lady that called to tell us about the wreck. She was doing her best to keep me calm but I was in such shock that I don't think anything would have helped. When I tried to leave the cops wouldn't let me and I told them that they may have a V-8 in their car but I beat their ass they wouldn't catch me in my little 4 cylinder Kia. Of course with that they really wasn't letting me go. I had to call someone to come get me from the scene because they wouldn't let me leave.

We got to the hospital and as soon as I walked in I heard Code Blue Trauma 9 which was the critical room in the ER at the hospital. I knew it was her. They kept calling for all of these specialist from radiology to neurology to cardiology for Trauma Room 9. All I could do was pray. Then the priest came out and I hit the floor. I begged him not to tell me she was gone. He didn't but did tell me she wasn't going to survive and offered to pray. I told him I wanted to see my baby and hold her hand. He agreed to take me and her Father only back to see her. The floor looked like a war zone with all the blood on it. I tried to walk around to her left side but they stopped me. I don't know why to this day but they would only let me stand on the right of her. She had a ventilator keeping her breathing but she was brain dead and nothing else they could do. She had 5 skull fractures, a broken nose, a punctured lung, a severed spleen and a lacerated liver. However she didn't look like she had just been thrown from a motorcycle at all. I remember laughing with her dad about her being pissed because she broke a finger nail that she just had done the day before. The hospital would only let us see her right hand a portion of her right arm. I remember her being so cold and telling them she needed more blankets. I didn't realize she was so cold because she had lost so much blood. The next thing I know we are being rushed out of the ER because there was more trauma victims from motorcycle wrecks coming in. I didn't want to leave her but they made me. About 10 minutes later the nurse came in and told me she was gone. I had been crying so much that I told her she was wrong and to go back and fix her. She hugged me and told me she was sorry.

There were alot of people there to support me and Victoria and I don't even remember half of who was there. All I can remember is begging God not to take her, yelling to my mom to not let this happen and to plead with God not to take her. I had already lost my mom, I couldn't loose my daughter too. But God has bigger plans and we just have to trust him. I still to this day can't seem to understand WHY he choose Heather. The guy on the bike was also in the ER but he wasn't hurt, he just knew that he was in a shit load of trouble and figured he would get off the hook if he went to the ER. Apparently his plan worked. To this day nothing has been done to him. He is a bad person and deserves to rot in hell for all he has done.

The hell that has followed since my daughter died is unimaginable. I haven't been able to see her kids, her father goes to the cemetery and throws anything and everything that he didn't put there away and when he put the Cross up at the crash site he told me "that is my cross and you are not allowed to put anything up there because you put nothing but trash up there"! You know what, he can go FUCK himself. He didn't have anything to do with her until she was 16 and for him to try and tell me I can't is a bunch of bullshit. He is a very manipulative person who has persuaded the children's fathers not to allow me to see them. But I know that in the end he will get what he deserves.

Here is the news article on the wreck. This is a video of Heather and Me going to get Payton Mannings autograph but he didn't show.

Ok I seriously need to get something done around this house. I know Heather would not want me to sit around all day and not get something done. She was very OCD about stuff. So my closing is this: I Love You Heather Nicole Jaggers and Miss You more then words can measure. Please feel free to stop by her website and leave a comment or message.