Sunday, December 30, 2012

Who I am and my journey

Well it all started when I was born....just joking.  I am a mother of 4 children and 2 beautiful grandchildren.  I have 2 girls and 2 boys in just that order.

I had my first daughter Heather when I was 16, yes I said it 16.  I was in high school and living with my mother.  After I had her and lost all my baby weight I found out I was pregnant again at 17, yes 17 with my daughter Victoria.  I decided to move out of my moms place and get my own.  Just so happens that I moved 2 weeks before my due date.  I had her exactly 11 days before my 18th birthday.  Don't worry, I still finished high school.  I know that is or seems to be an impossible task for girls these days to finish school after having a kid.  My mom taught me that nothing is more important then your education and never let anything get in your way.  So with the help of my mother I continued high school and even managed to work,  and went to college and got 2 degrees.  Associates in Paralegal and the Bachelors in Business Management.

Now when my first son came along that was a bit of a whirlwind for my life.  I was dating between two guys and I know I shouldn't have been but I did.  Yes I knew who the father was!!!!  However, the father wasn't in a position to really settle down and take care of a family.  I was 20 when I had my son and I needed someone who was willing to take on me and my kids.  So after my son Jonathan aka Chris was born my boyfriend called me from the military and asked when I was moving.  I said now I suppose.  The only issue is that I had to come out to Colorado by myself to help find a place for us to live.  So I had to leave the kids behind.  Only thing was that my mom had pneumonia so she couldn't take care of all the kids while I went.

So Heather stayed with her since she wasn't a baby so to speak, Victoria stayed with her grandmother and my son well I didn't know who was going to be able to keep my son.  So my soon to be husband arranged for a friend of his to keep him.  So I agreed and when I came back a couple weeks later I had to fight in court for all but Heather.  This is a whole other story in itself about my son Jonathan aka Chris.  To make is short, Victoria's grandmother filed abandonment charges and got custody, Jonathan was adopted because the people who had him forged my name and my soon to be husband signed saying he was the father for him to be adopted.  I was able to Victoria back after a 2 yr court battle but never did get Jonathan back,,,not yet anyway, and now he goes by Chris.  I did finally get to have him in my life when he turned 18.  I sent him a message on Facebook and he quickly moved in with me and we had a good relationship.  He is now out on his own.

So I stayed with my boyfriend who became my husband quickly after I arrived in Colorado and we had alot of issues.  But I won't go into all of them.  After 4 yrs of marriage I got pregnant with my son Brandon who is now 18.  We divorced shortly after he was born but we remained friends for a long time.

So now I am going to jump forward a bit.  My daughter Heather who was, yes I said was, a very bright, funny, loving, happy go lucky child had her first child at 16 also.  Do we see a pattern here?  If not maybe this will help.  At 18 she got married like I did and had another baby.  She finished high school as well and went onto college just as I did.  Now do you see the pattern?  I thought so.

Then my mom got sick with Stage 4 lung Cancer.  This put a halt my families life as we knew it.  My mom was our everything.  My brothers and I agreed not to put her in a nursing home because that is what she wanted.  She used to always say "if I can't take care of myself hand me a pistol and walk out of the room."  We couldn't do it.  We wanted every last second we could have with our mother.  She was the most kind hearted, smartest, funniest, loving but yet tough as a nail person you would ever meet.  No matter what our life was like our mom ALWAYS made it better.  Well we had to say goodbye to her on April 19, 2008.  We managed to survive as any family would but it was hard.  My daughter Heather amazing did great considering she was closer to my mom aka Nana then any of the kids were.  She was after all the first born of 12 grandkids.  However, on October 6, 2008 less then 6 months my daughter Heather was killed on the back of a motorcyle.  Leaving behind all those that loved her.  Her two beautiful children Kaylee and Aadyn without a mother.  Our lives have never been the same since.

It has been 4 yrs now since they have both passed and not a day goes by that I don't think of them and still want to pick up the phone to call.  My grandchildren don't know who any of us are because their dad won't let us have anything to do with them. All I can do is watch from afar.

If it wasn't for Xanax, my family and my friends I don't think I would have survived the loss of both my bestfriends, mother and daughter.

Kentucky has no grandparents rights which really sucks.  I fought in court and the only thing that the judge could tell me is "I'm Sorry, I hope that for the sake of the children we will be able to work out an arrangement for them to get to be with all of us", it didn't happen.

So that is my life pretty much in a nutshell without me going into all of the specific details.  I have given you alot to read already.

Here is a picture of my mom and my daughter. This was taken Eastern 2008.