Thursday, February 02, 2017

Squashing Rumors and other Hateful Things -- Warning Long Post

photo from a google search **not mine and don't know who it belongs to**

Hello everyone and welcome back to my blog.  I know some of you know about my brother passing and have reached out to me.  First, I want to say Thank You for all the kind words, your encouragement and your donations.

This post is going to be a long one so be patient with me.

There are alot of rumors going around as to why my brother died by people who were not here when it happened and that is why I am writing this post.  The other reason I am writing is because people have been so horrible at attacking me for belonging to a certain webpage that is a Gossip Site.  So with this being said I am going to set the record straight!!!!!

First setting the record straight about the Gossip Site.  I joined this site because of my ex-sil telling me about it.  She had been reading it for years and directed me to it so I could see what they were saying about her.  For a long time I sat silent and on occasion I would chime in and defend her or try to explain a situation to them that would hopefully make them ease up on her.  At no point had I ever created a section about her or anyone else on this or any site.  We were the best of friends and I was defending her and our family.  

After she and my brother separated I started to receive the most vile and hateful text messages from her out of the blue.  I still don't know what I did wrong to make her that way towards me other than siding with my brother.  My family comes first and foremost before ANYONE EVER!!!!!  I will always side with my family and for that I will not apologize.  Things were being said that were either said by her in her fit of rage or just pure speculation about the situation.  I again chimed in and set the record straight.  I am a tell it like it is type of person and I don't hide things when asked of me.  If I feel it is none of your business then I simply won't answer you or I will tell you that I won't get into it.  End of discussion.  Somethings are not mine to tell and that is another reason I won't say things.

However, with that being said, I would get verbally attacked on a fairly regular basis from my ex-sil even though I did not initiate contact with her.  Why you ask?  I have no clue and you would honestly have to ask her.  I am sure she felt betrayed but anyone wouldn't expect me to side against my brother.  I mean seriously would you?  I think not.  So yes I have continued on the gossip site and I have answered specific questions that I have first hand knowledge of or have been told directly by either my ex-sil or my brother.  I mean seriously, my ex-sil puts up youtube videos documenting everything and telling everyone everything so it wasn't like I was telling or saying something that she herself hadn't already said on video.

Now here we are dealing with my brothers death and there is some private information being shared, assumed information being shared and straight out lies that are being shared.  I set up a Go Fund Me Page to help with my brothers burial and legals fees that I am facing in order to get custody of his son.  The ex-sil put in a video that my brother died of a heroin overdose, he died in my shower, I was an enabler and that I had created a Go Fund Me page to help with the expenses since he didn't have insurance.  Right after saying all this she says "you don't have to feel obligated to donate, his sister works so yeah she is doing ok".    Now it is true you don't have to feel obligated to donate but the last part of that sentence was like a slap in the face.  What the hell does me working have to do with providing a service for my brother and taking care of legal fees to get custody of my nephew?  

Seriously people have you priced a funeral lately?  The average funeral is in excess of $10,000.00 if you go with a regular funeral home.  If you go with New Comer Funeral home it still runs in the excess of $5,000.00.  Even a cremation can cost upward of $3,000.  The state will perform one for $500 but that still has to come from somewhere.  That is still a huge amount of money for someone who is paying everyday expenses such as rent, car payments, insurance, daycare, utilities and buying groceries.  I don't know about you but I don't have that kind of money saved up.  The go fund me has raised $1,115 dollars and it charges 5% for Go Fund Me, 2.9% +.30 per donation to process payments.  That averages out to be between 15-20%.  An average cost of an attorney is $1,000 and yes I have called around for pricing to make sure I would have enough money and not go into one blindsided on their fees.  So as of this moment I have hired an attorney, I have paid the $1,000 and yes I have even paid for the cremation of my brother because there is no way in hell I can afford a traditional funeral.  So if you take the amount of money that has been contributed to the go fund me and take the percentage away that they charge you will see I am actually right at $1,000.00 and that is what I had to pay the attorney.

So that is the explanation on the money portion and the go fund me.  Now, back to the rumors and things that are being said.  The night that my brother died my ex-sil showed up at the hospital and I called security and had her escorted out of the building.  Why you ask or you may be thinking I am a horrible person for doing that.  The answer is simple, Scott had an E.P.O (Emergency Protection Order) against her from when they separated.  That is a whole other story that I will not get into.  My brother and I had just talked the night before and he stressed to me that she wouldn't leave him alone even though he blocked her phone number and she kept calling him from different numbers or would block her number from showing up.  He stated that he didn't want to be anywhere near her and just wanted to move on with his life but she was making it difficult to do that.   Now she is saying in her video that they talked a lot and she had just spoken to him 2 days before he passed.  Rather any of this is true or not I can't say.  What I can say is what he expressed to me and that was he didn't want her anywhere near him or his family.  So with him saying that to me I respected his wishes and kept her from being around him at the hospital.  I told her I was truly sorry it had to be this way but I am only respecting my brothers wishes.  I wasn't trying to be mean even though she had said horrible things to me, about me, about him and even about my dead daughter.  All of these things can be proven by her in her videos.

Also, she has stated in her latest video that he had been working at a dealership for 2 weeks before he passed.  Technically he wasn't even working there because his license was suspended for child support.  She also stated that he had a big paycheck on Friday, again, this statement is false.  I have spoken with the owners of the dealership and they said that he didn't technically work for them and they couldn't officially hire him or pay him because of his license being suspended.  So he didn't get money from the dealership to get drugs, he didn't get a paycheck from the dealership to get drugs and he damn sure didn't get any money from me or anyone in my house for drugs!!!!!!!!!  We honestly don't know why he died.  Like I stated before, at 5:10 we heard a noise and I checked on him and he was talking and fine.  By 5:30 I am being woke up saying that he is unresponsive and not breathing.  I called 911 and it took them 15 minutes to get to my house.  In that 15 minutes we performed C.P.R. but wasn't able to get him back.  The medics performed C.P.R. on him for another 15 minutes and was able to get his heartbeat and pulse back but he had already been without oxygen for 15 minutes.  Could it have been an overdose?  Could it have been a heart attack?  Could it have been an aneurysm?  Could it have been a stroke?  We don't honestly know what it was and honestly it could have been any or several of these things.  We just simply DON'T KNOW.  However, she felt it was her place to immediately get on Social Media and tell the world that he died of a drug overdose while she was sitting in her car at the hospital.  Which by the way she was there because she brought his daughter up to see him.  All while defaming my brother, his name and the rest of us for "enabling him" as she said.  This all being said while she is playing the "victim" of the situation when the real "victim" in all of this was his 14 yr old son and his daughter. 

When a family is grieving the last thing anyone should do is get online and post horrible things as she did.  I am not now or ever sweeping anything under the rug or turning a blind eye to anything.  What I am doing is simply stating the facts and events as I was first hand witness to the situation.  Now this may anger some of you and that is fine, you are entitled to your feelings, just as I am mine.  However, when you start assuming shit and throwing out acquisitions without being a direct party to the events you are doing nothing but showing your lack of compassion, your lack of morals and your complete and total lack of respect for any and everyone involved but mainly you are disrespecting his children.  They are innocent parties to all of this regardless of your thoughts or feelings and you should be showing some respect to them in this situation along with the rest of his family.

My ex-sil has people who follow her on social media and they are all wanting to bash my brother, myself and others that they don't personally know all because of what she is saying in these videos.  Here is the TRUTH PEOPLE, YOU WEREN'T THERE AND DON'T KNOW FIRST HAND KNOWLEDGE!!!!  She wasn't there and doesn't have first hand knowledge.  What she is saying is pure and total speculation on the situation or what "others" have told her.  You are entitled to believe who or whatever you want but that does not give you the right to send me messages on Facebook telling me that I am a Fat F*ck and the reason I am not getting donations is because I am on a gossip site.  Let those who have no sin throw the first stone.  In other words, you are not an innocent person and have flaws and have NO RIGHT TO JUDGE ME or my family!!!!!  I am not on that site to promote violence or any kind, I am not on that site to attack anyone, I am not on that site to entice or persuade anyone of anything.  I am on that site because half the stuff that is said is either funny or right on spot from what people put out on Youtube.  Not to mention that these total strangers have been the ones who have geniunely cared and extended their gratitude to me and my family.  They are the one's that have donated the most.  Regardless of it being a gossip site or a hate site or whatever you want to call it, they are the one's who have cared enough to reach out to me and help support us financially though all of this horrible tragedy.  If you can't stand the heat keep your ass out of the kitchen.  If you can't stand the criticism or someone talking about you then keep your ass off youtube and sharing your personal lives and information about your family.  The fact that people want to make my ex-sil out to be the only one that is hurt and grieving in this whole tragedy is pure sick.  They had been separated for over 4 months, she has moved on to someone else just as he had and they were not together nor trying to reconcile when he passed.  The true people affected by all of this is his son and his daughter.  Regardless of your opinions or thoughts about me, his son is still going to need support, his son still has needs to be meet, his son still needs to lay his father to rest rather it be through a cremation or a funeral.  His son and daughter deserve to have that closure.  They deserve to be able to grieve and say their goodbyes to their father.  They deserve respect and privacy and not having people sharing details or mean comments on the internet.  

Someone had even said that they won't contribute because I apparently don't care about my grandson because I am on that site.  First off, you have some nerve.  My family is my world and I will protect them till my last breathe.  Second of all, what the hell do you think you are doing by leaving such hateful comments.  Do you seriously think you are any better than I am?  I can hold my head up high and say that I have never been in any trouble legally, I don't do drugs, I work full time and take care of my family.  I can also say that I have paid others bills when they couldn't.    So your opinion of me is irrelevant.  

This post is not to stir up trouble, start a fight or anything else.  This post is about squashing rumors, correcting the hateful comments and setting the record straight.  Given all of this I ask that you continue to keep our family and especially my brothers children in your prayers as we are all dealing with this death.  It is not one person's death to deal with because there are many that loved my brother.  At the end of the day it isn't about you, it isn't about me, but it is about his children and making sure that they are safe, cared for, loved and knowing that they have people who care and support them.

If you feel the urge to leave a nasty comment I want you to first stop and think how you would feel if you were in this situation, how your children would feel and how it would affect them.  If you wouldn't like it then I suggest you not leave a comment.  We don't need judgment or hateful comments.  What we all need is privacy, room to grieve and respect.

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Saturday, January 28, 2017

R.I.P. To My Brother...You will be forever Missed

To My Brother Scott

It is with great sadness that I am writing this post.  My brother Scott passed away unexpectedly last week and it has left a void that can not be filled.  We tried to save him but were not successful.  Finally on Monday the doctors declared him officially gone.  However, in this horrible time my brother has given hope and life to several.  He was an organ donor and because of that there are several others that now have a new lease on life.  For this selfless act on my brothers behalf I am forever grateful that he will continue to live on through others.  This is the way that I choose to remember him and it gives me peace.

I am grateful that the decision to donate his organs was what he wanted and we didn't have to make that call.   I know that he is now shining down on us and those he helped with a peaceful soul.  

Scott leaves behind a 14 yr old son, a beautiful daughter and 3 grandchildren whom he absolutely adored.  We are all shocked and sadden by his departure.  The love that he had for them and for us all will continue to carry on through our memories and stories of my brother.

Scott had fallen on hard times recently and was doing his best to get his life together by starting a new job.  With that being said, he passed with no life insurance or any other financial means to help pay for his passing.  I have set up a gofundme account to help us with these unexpected expenses.  I ask that you all share this post and help me give my brother the proper send off that we can for his son.  

Since I am his sister I will be taking care of his son and making sure that he is safe, cared for, loved and know that his daddy loved him.  It is hard on all of us but it is important for his son to know that he is loved and wanted.  Family was important to Scott and I want his son to know that as well.  There are so many memories of him to share and pass along that I can't begin to share them all.

People I have never meet has reached out to me via facebook about Scott and some of the memories that they have of him.  He was a car sales man in various states and the amount of support is overwhelming.  I want to say Thank You to all that have reached out to me and our family.

With his passing I want to remind everyone that we don't know when our time will come so to live life to the fullest.  I ask that you take the time to let those know that you love that you love them.  I also ask that you take the time out of your day to make sure that you have insurance so that your family isn't left like ours to figure out how to pay for these unthinkable times.  For the cost of lunch for 4 days you can get the insurance that your family will so desperately need if you pass.

Again, I would like to thank all those that have reached out to me and our family in this time of need.  Any donation that you can make no matter how small will greatly help us in this time of need.  If you don't feel comfortable donating online you may do so by sending it to my P.O. Box 991693, Louisville, KY 40291.  

Thank You all again and may GOD be with you all and your families.

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Thursday, November 17, 2016

Happy Hodgepodge a Day Late

Happy Hodgepodge everyone and welcome to my little corner of the blog world.  Today I am linking up with Joyce over at From This Side of the Pond.  I know I am a day behind but I wanted to go ahead and jump in on the Hodgepodging around and say hi to everyone.  Be sure to hop over to Joyce’s site and join in every Wednesday for new questions and share your answers with the rest of us.  It is a great way to learn, grow and meet new people.

1. Let's all think happy thoughts...share one of yours here. 
   ***My grandson the other day told me he wanted to watch Julius Jr so I turned it on.  I started singing and he pointed to me and said “no maw maw you go play with pawpaw” and I lost it.  He is always keeping me on my toes and he is only 2 ½.

2. There's a Chinese proverb that says, "If you want happiness for an hour take a nap, if you want happiness for a day-go fishing...." What say you? If you want happiness for a day _____________.
  ***Curl up on the couch with a good cup of coffee and watch lifetime movies all day.

3. Where do you go to decompress from the world around you? 
  *** Anywhere I can that involves my camera.  I love taking pictures of my grandson and capturing his innocence in all things new.

4. What song never fails to make you happy? 
  ***I don’t know if I can choose just one but I will pull this one out of the archives…lol.  Color Me Badd’s song I Wanna Sex You Up.  Long story on it but I can’t help but to smile every time I hear it. 

5. Wednesday is National Fast Food Day. Should that be a thing? Apparently, it is, so tell us what's the last 'fast food' you consumed? If you were putting together your own version of a 'happy meal' what would you include? 
 ***I don’t think it should be a thing but hell it seems we have a thing for everything anymore. As for my Happy Meal it would include a Ribeye Steak, Salad and baked potato.   Then again I would eat Ribeye everyday all day if I could.

6. In a few sentences tell us why you blog. 
 *** I started out blogging because my now ex-SIL talked me into it.  I had no clue what to write or share or how to do any of it for that matter.  Now I write to share the things happening with my health, kids, grandkids and travels along with my photography.  I don’t write as much or often as I should but I am still at it.

7. List seven things you're feeling especially grateful for today. 
 *** My children, my grandchildren, my husband, my family, my job, waking up and COFFEE!!!!!  Yes, I am thankful for coffee because without it I am not a very nice person in the mornings. 

8. Insert your own random thought here.
 *** I have been having issues with my health a lot lately this past year and even though I go to the doctor there doesn’t seem to be any relief.  My biggest issue is that I am overweight and I know it.  It is hard to lose it when you are in your mid 40’s, work full time and take care of your grandchild full time.  I had thyroid surgery 2 months ago and my throat is still tender, sore and swollen.  Not sure what that is about but I am sure it is to be expected.

Today I am going to a nutritionist/weight specialist to see about getting me put on some B-6 and B-12 injections as well as an appetite suppressant.  My problem isn’t eating but more of the fact that my hands, legs, ankles and feet stay swollen as well as the constant pain in my lower back/hip area.  I am not sure if it is because of a pinched nerve or because of weight but I can’t seem to get anyone in the medical profession to help me find out.  They all want to put me on gout meds or water pills.  I have been on both and for longer than 6 months and still no results.  So today I am going to talk to someone to help me lose weight and hope that helps.

Thanks for stopping by and reading for a bit.  Please leave a comment and let me know you were here and maybe share some of your journey with the issues I am having.

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Saturday, November 05, 2016

Much Needed Vacation

So, my husband and I decided that we were going to take a much-needed vacation this year and we had originally picked out Maine as our destination.  After much consideration, I decided against Maine only because it is so damn cold in April, I could only imagine how cold it would be in Late October.  Hence the decision to pick Philly and NYC as the perfect place to go.  

Ok that wasn’t the main reason we picked these locations but it was a major factor.  My husband doesn’t care about planning a vacation so I was left to do it by myself.  His only request was that he got to eat at Pat’s and Geno’s in Philly and other than that the rest didn’t matter.

I on the other hand wanted to do a lot of sightseeing as well as go to Jon Bon Jovi’s Soul Kitchen in Red Banks NJ.  Let me just say, not only is that man Sexy as Hell but he is a true gift to a community.  He has done so much for the homeless and hungry that I can’t even imagine how he keeps up with it all. 

Day 1 of vacation was of course driving.  It is a long trip from KY to NJ which is where we stayed.  I managed to find a hotel exactly 1 hr in between both Philly and NYC.  Not so easy of a task as you might think.  I had never been to Philly and hadn’t been to NYC in years so knowing where to stay that was safe was a hard find.  Luckily I found one that appeared to be in a good area per Google Maps.  Score!!!!!  So, we got to the hotel around 6:30 or so which was about 2 hrs later than we expected.  Of course, we had our grandson with us and had to make a couple of stops so he wasn’t fussy from sitting in a 11 hr. car ride.  We got checked in and headed back out to get something to eat.  Honestly, I can’t remember where we at the first night but that is ok. 

Day 2 of vacation we headed to downtown Philly.  There is so much to see and do that you won’t be bored no matter what.  The list of sights to see were long.  The Liberty Bell, Independence Hall, Betty Ross House and of course the best location for a Philly Cheesesteak.  We spent over 5 hrs downtown Philly enjoying the sites, finding Starbucks Coffee and food.   We finally found a great place for lunch at the most unexpected place.  Mrs. K’sCoffeeshop was the best by far of anyplace that we found in Philly.  

Day 3 was back to Philly so that we could eat at Pat’s and Geno’s.  That was the main places on my husband’s bucket list.  I hadn’t heard anything good about either of them but he wanted to go because 1) it’s food and 2) that is where all the people go in the movies.  Let me just say that it was the biggest disappointment of the entire trip.  We bought a sandwich at both and we took one bite out of them and threw them away.  That was $20 wasted and I was starving. 

Day 4 was about NYC.  My list was long but cut extremely short.  My husband wanted to go to Coney Island and eat at the Original Nathan’s and I wanted to see the Statue of Liberty.  I was hoping to be able to go into the Crown but couldn’t because apparently, you have to be at least 4 ft tall and able to walk like 165 steps or something crazy.  My grandson wasn’t tall enough and truth be told, I am way out of shape to be trying those steps….lol.  But we hoped on the boat and seen her anyway.

Day 5 arrived and finally I got the chance to go to Jon BonJovi’s Soul Kitchen.  I have wanted to go here ever since I found out about it on Facebook.  If you haven’t heard about it, you need to check it out.  This man is incredible, Sexy, giving and well Sexy!!!!  NO I DIDN’T GET TO SEE HIM (insert crying face here) I did get to enjoy the experience and amazing food.  This place is amazing and I could only hope and wish that he will expand to other locations.  I would so eat there every day if I could. But I knew that we were heading home in the morning can couldn’t go back.   Maybe one day I can go back.

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Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Sending Prayers for South Carolina School Shooting

I was going on a break at work and scrolling through my feed on Facebook when I came across THIS story.  As a parent who has lost a child, my heart sunk.  So far there are not any confirmed deaths from this shooting but still the same the trauma is unimaginable for those involved.  There was a death confirmed just miles from this location in a house.  From what I am gathering this is possibly the parent to the teenager that came to the school shooting.  It has been confirmed that they are connected.

These poor babies that had to witness this horror is so indescribable and confusing for them.  The confusion, panic, fear and unknown is more than any one person should ever have to deal with no matter what the cause.  I ask that everyone who is reading this to please stop for a moment and say a prayer for the children, the families, the faculty and the first responders in Townville, SC.  

The trauma will last long after the day is over and will affect each and every person different.  It has been 8 years since my daughter passed and I still have aftermath problems from it.  This will be something that these families, staff, and first responders will live with for the rest of their lives.  I pray that the children will be able to eventually forget what happened but only time will tell.  Some will be really too young and will be able to forget it as others will not.

Please take a moment out of your day, say a prayer, hug your children, give thanks to GOD for getting you through another day.  We are not promised tomorrow and we should be grateful for the now because it is the present and it is all we have.

Please take a moment to listen to those around you even if you are having a bad day for you may be just the person to talk someone out of doing a horrible thing that will forever change and alter everyone around them.  Just because you may not think you can help change someone's life you should still take the time to stop and listen.  Give a smile and a compliment to someone even if you do not know them for it may be just what they needed to make a bad day better.

We are more powerful than we give ourselves credit for in this big messed up world.  Words can be greater to one person than another so please use them wisely.  I googled this picture below because I had recently heard a saying about the tongue being stronger than a bone or something like that and wanted to share this with you.

This saying above is truer than anyone can imagine.  There are some that words do not bother and there are some that the words literally cut them down to nothing.  You can heal bones but once something is said, there is no going back.  You may not be able to see the hurt and pain it causes on the outside and only when it is too late will we ever know how they have hurt.

So PLEASE stop what you're doing, say a prayer for these families, children, first responders and anyone else that is going through a difficult time.  Stop what you are doing and hug your family.  Stop and give Thanks to GOD for you being here no matter what you are going through because I promise you someone else is going through something much worse. 

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Thursday, August 11, 2016

Thyroid Test Results and Surgery

Not my image.  Got it from

Good evening everyone and thank you for stopping by my little ole blog for a minute.

I have been having an issue with some swelling on my neck that started about 2 years ago.  It scared me so bad that I went to the E.R. and was told that I had a growth on my thyroid.  I was so scared because the swelling was making it difficult to swallow and breathe and it came on without warning or provoking.  They ran multiple test on me and sent me on my way.  

A couple days later I get a call to go see an endocrinologist and see what they recommend.  Well low and behold I had to have a needle drain on the swelling and that should take care of everything since all my function test came back normal.  Things were great after that with no more swelling or difficulty to breath.  Couple months later go back for more function test and again they are all normal.  Thank God is all I can say about that because it is scary.  

However, this past February my neck started to swell again.  This time I realized I didn't need to go back to the E.R. so instead I went to my family doctor.  She sent me for an ultrasound on my neck and it came back as the goiter is still growing.  Not by much but by enough.  Off to Advanced ENT I go (I wouldn't recommend these people if my life depended on it) and they recommend a needle aspiration so that is done.  Results, nothing, noda, zip, zilch, empty.  Seriously people come on, something has to be going on or showing up for this to keep happening.

I get very emotional and upset, start to cry and the doctor looks at me and says "if you are going to act this way there is not point in talking to you" and gets up and walks out.  

I was looked at the nurse and said "did that seriously just happen" "did he really just say that and walk out".  Needless to say I didn't go back to that doctor.  

So I go to the doctor about a month ago and she recommends another doctor.  I go to the doctor, again another ultrasound and the results today.  He says that I have to have surgery because it keeps growing and they have no reason as to why.  All the test come back negative and all my levels are normal.  

My son had just gone through this about 2 years before when he tried to join the Army.  The doctor found a goiter on his neck and that started a whole series of appointments, testing, scans, more testing, more appointments until finally they determined it was not cancer and gave him a radiation treatment to kill off the thyroid because it kept growing.  Since then he has had no more problems.  I was scared for my son and I did my best like every parent should and kept positive and told him that he had nothing to worry about.

Well now it is my turn.  My son tells me that it is nothing to worry about because he had the same problem and he is fine now.  Although my problem is a little different then his, I have to have surgery.  But you know as I am sitting here writing this it just occurred to me that my son didn't have to have surgery so why should I?  He took a radiation pill and was basically quarantined for 10 days.  Not that it is really an option for me since I have my grandson living here.  I have yet to tell him that the doctor scheduled surgery for 4 days before his birthday.  Man this is going to suck.

My daughter was the first one I told and she looked like she was going to bust out in tears.  She was a trooper though because she kept them inside.  I know it scares her for anything to possibly happen to me or her brother.  Since my oldest died 8 years ago we tend to panic when it comes to serious illnesses or procedures.

My husband gets home from work and I inform him and the look on his face was scary.  He normally doesn't show emotion but today he did and it was a look of worry, concern and scared all rolled into one.  I told him I didn't want to have surgery and normally he would say "it doesn't matter what you want, you gotta do it" but today he could only say "I know and I don't want you to either".

For years I have fought depression, anxiety, weight gain, sleep deprivation, memory loss, headaches, and just complete and utter exhaustion.  I have a low heart rate and blood pressure unless I am having a hot  I started menopause at 35 and it is still going.  I have all the symptoms of a thyroid problem but have always chalked it up to low iron levels and not drinking milk.  My family doctor has always been great at running every test imaginable so you would figure that I would have either low or high thyroid levels but they have always come back normal.  This is scary shit in my opinion and there is nothing that I can do about it.  I have to leave it in Gods hands and the doctors.  They know what is best.  After all they are the experts, not me.  

So of course what does my dumb ass do?????  If you guessed looking it up on YouTube you are a gazillion percent correct.  Oh how I wish I hadn't done that.  My stomach was turning from being nauseous and my nerves are absolutely wrecked.  If I wasn't already scared I sure as hell am now.  I highly advise you not to do what I did and look it up on YouTube.  Scary Scary shit right there.

Anyway, this is what is going on with me at the moment and God willing it will be just the one thyroid and the pathologist won't find any cancer.  They say if it is cancer it is the best one to have.  Uh seriously, no cancer is a good cancer to have.  The side affects are a possible change in my voice, hoarseness and taking off work for at least a week.  Great just what I need.

However, I have to look at things like this...God knows what he is doing and I am going to get through as long as I have him and my family on my side.  Plus I get to go on vacation to Philly and NYC at the end of October so I will be plenty busy at work until I leave for vacation.  

I just would like to take this time and ask for you to keep me and my family in your prayers as we are approaching and going through this ordeal.  It is scary to say the least and even though it is a routine procedure there is always room for error.

Thank you and have a great evening or day and God Bless.

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Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Tuesdays Rambles

Hello everyone and welcome to my little post.  It has been a long while since I have been on here and actually wrote anything.  It isn't because I have been busy or anything, it is honestly because I have not had much to say.  Until now.  Sorry for the rant and long post but I have to get this off of my mind.

So there has been alot of stuff happening lately and I just can't hold my tongue any longer.  I am not going to blast details but I am going to say somethings that might be confusing to most.  However, the one that it shouldn't be confusing to is the one that has me writing this.  Their actions or lack thereof, their attitude, their comments and total disregard for responsibility.

The circumstances surrounding the downward spiral that you find yourself in is the results of your own actions.  You are not a helpless victim.  You have been told and warned that this would happen but you denied and refused to believe it.  Now that it has happened you are wanting to put all the blame of it on one person and none on yourself.  The behavior of both of you could have been better but more so from you.  The complete and total disrespect and bitching is beyond anything that any one should have to put up with and yet they did for years.

You would come to me complaining and asking for advise and I would listen and give it to you.  I never once ever took sides and I am a straight shooter regardless if the truth hurts or not.  You now have us all blocked and have totally turned your back on everyone and that is fine.  You are entitled to do just that but know you are behaving like a spoiled 1 year old and not the grown ass person that you are.  You have refused to do anything to help better the situation and have done alot to help bring it further down than what it should have been.

There are two sides to every story and you are only painting it as you being the victim and never the instigator in the situation.  Well news flash you started alot more shit than anyone.  I would have put you in your place a long time ago and I have told you that numerous times.  You treat people as if they are to bow down to you and do as you say because your opinion is the only one that matters.  Well news flash it doesn't and it isn't.  Mine isn't either and that is ok.    

Your words that you spew out of your mouth is vile and poisonous like snake venom.  You have said or should I say texted and emailed things to a person that no one should ever say.  You have said things that have made me want to literally punch you in the face but I haven't and won't stoop to that level.  I am better than that.  You have spewed lies after lies and when confronted on them your only response is "oh yeah I forgot about that, your right".  

Your need professional help that can't be given by someone without a PhD no matter how hard anyone has tried.  You simply don't see anything wrong with what you say or what you do.  The things you have said about your own kids, step kids and grand kids are beyond belief and you have everyone thinking you are this helpless victim.  YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM!!!!!

Now to the other person that has been dragged into this whole mess.  I have to apologize for you being involved in it.  It truly breaks my heart to watch such a beautiful person go through this.  You deserve so much more out of life.  I haven't always been there but when I am and was I told you that I would help you anyway possible but you had to be willing to help yourself and get out of the situation that you were in. 

You both are so blind to how your attitude and behavior affects those around you.  My only wish is that you would both realize that there is so much more to life than being abused and abusive towards people.  There is more to life than complaining and bitching.  My only hope for you all is that you get the help that you both need and you can find true peace and love within yourselves.  Take responsibility for your lives, your actions, your family, your health, your happiness and your financial situations and learn to stand on your own two feet and support yourself.  Then and only then will you truly find happiness.  

I truly wish you both the best of luck and know that I have always had your best interest at heart.  I have always only wanted to help and not hurt.  I have always wanted more for you but you have to step up and take responsibility and do some of the work yourselves.  

Again, best of luck to you both and know that you are in my prayers that you will get the help you need.

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